Story Telling Unit: Feedback from my script The Meeting draft 1

This is the feedback Simon gave me after I handed in my first draft of the script The Meeting:

Simon basically says that my dialogue is the main problem because it lacks believability.

Overall Simon didn't like my dialogue as it was too robotic, I agree with this to some extent as I didn't understand how to portray my male character very well. The ending was rushed so I think it does lack some believability. The idea of a double date didn't go very well and I need to change it.

Story Telling Unit: Camera Workshop

On the dates 22nd and 29th of October we was introduced to the Sony camera's. In these lessons we was taught about white balance, peaking, zebra and gain.
Fergus taught us how to get the picture quality to the best it ca be by using peaking and zebra, by just using 2 little buttons on t left side of the camera. Zebra shows the light exposure on surfaces and how high it is, peaking shows how much someone is in focus and how soft the image is.

Story Telling Unit: Filming

I booked my camera out for the date 4th-6th November.
On Monday 4th I plan to film my female scene with my flatmate Ruby who is going to act the main character Daisy, I will be filming this in her room.
On Tuesday 5th I plan to film the male part who is going to be played by Mark, he will be playing my main character Henry, this will be filmed in his room.
The coffee shop part will be filmed on Wednesday 6th, the 2 characters will be Henry played by Mark and the waitress played by Ilianna.

Story Telling Unit: Script (Draft 1)

 "The Meeting"

This is my first draft for my 10 paged script:
This was handed in on 21st October 2013.

The Meeting Draft 1

Soft - Idea Development

This short film soft has given me some inspiration for my film and what sort of film I can create, this film is short and it gets to the point, there  is a real problem that the characters overcome. This film  also explores the power of cowardness and courage.

Story Telling Unit: Research

This week we were given a task to teach us about Final Draft.
We were asked to write a 3 paged script on our journey to Uni that day. I worked with Ilianna Ntouvli to create this script:
This is the script after Simon had looked at it and made corrections.

As you can see there was a lot of corrections we needed to make, but as this was our first attempt at script writing Simon said we needed to get writing in the form of a book out of the way so we can learn from that mistake a write the script in the proper format.

Story Telling Unit: Idea Development

 "The Meeting"

Genre of my short film:

Drama

 

Location:

Coffee shop

 

Characters:

1. Male - Henry

2. Female - Daisy

 

Goal:

To get the two main characters to meet

 

Problem:

They do not get a long and clash personalities, as he is sexist and she is so independent.

 

Change:

Henry changes his perception on women after meeting Daisy.

Some of the ideas given to me from the group discussions:
The blind happens in her coffee shop.
She is the manager of the coffee shop.
He is rude to the waitress and Daisy sticks up for her staff, she tells him that she does not need a man and he realises that he needs to change his opinion of women.

Story Telling Unit: Idea development

 "The Meeting"

My idea for the short film:

Characters:
Male- Henry
Busy hard-working New-York business man who works for a major law firm in Manhattan, He completes the same actions day in day out, he picks up his morning coffee from the corner shop on his way to work unaware of the thousand of other thousands of other people on their way to work.

Female- Daisy
Sexy, office worker She works for a small company run by family. Hard-working and independent she believes in equality and working her way up, every morning she collects her coffee from the same coffee shop. 

Plot:
7.30am a man gets woken by his alarm. Getting ready for work he has his breakfast consisting of toast then leaves for the coffee shop.
Leaving the coffee shop at 8.30am with his Americano he heads to work passing the unknown women.
8.30am a women has been getting ready for work for an hour now and leaves for her daily trip to the coffee shop for her latte and the other 5 people in her office's cappuccino.
The women passes the man unaware of his later importance, she just walks past and into the coffee shop.
There days are the same passing by in a blur neither meeting but passing each other by.
Then one day they both meet up with friends for a blind date where their worlds they know will change forever.
6.30pm Daisy walks up to her friend and Henry, he is really happy that she is good looking but he knows she is going to have a boring, dull personality.

After discussion in groups my idea changed so it's more realistic, as I wont be able to film in New York. My new version is:

Henry:
I hardly changed this character, he is still an old fashion, good looking business man and he still collects his coffee every morning from the coffee shop on the corner. He believes he should provide for a women and she should stay at home to look after his children.

Daisy:
I changed Daisy the most, after a few ideas from people in my discussion group. Daisy is the owner of the coffee shop where my short film is based. She believes women should be treated as equals and she has every right to work as a men, Daisy is slim and very pretty with brunette hair and blue eyes. She is too busy to date and have a serious relationship which is why the have their date at her coffee shop.

The idea:
Henry still has the same routine but as he walks out of the coffee shop on this day a women, Daisy opens and holds the door open for him, he has never had a women open the door for him before so instinct he just opens the other door and walks off to work.
Daisy carries on her day, until her best friend rings her. Her friend convinces her to have a date with Henry that night in her coffee shop as she has not got time to go out.
Later that night they both go on a double date with their friends, meeting each other for the first time they seem to hit it off until they talk about a sensitive topic they don't share which cause them to disagree and argue.
They realise they would not be very good together. He realises that he will need to be more equal to women and let them be more independent and she ends up on her own, still no closer to settling down.

Story Telling Unit: Idea development

 "The Meeting"

The pitch for my short film:

Old Fashioned business man meets modern coffee-shop owner,

He believes in taking care of women she believes in equality will they work or part ways?

Story Telling Unit: Research

Research Task.

Me and my partner was given a Photography of a random place and two different characters and told to make up a story.
My characters were a political activist and a photographer.
My place was the woods.

The story we came up with together:
The Photographer we made a female called Daisy.
Daisy is a shy brunette who comes from a big family who didn't pay much attention to her, she is a fashion photography who aspired to be a landscape photography, she is a hopeless romantic who loves nature and doesn't care much for her appearance, s wore minimal make-up ad had chipped nail polish. Even though she worked with fashion she wore a lot of clothes and didn't show much skin showing she was self-conscious.
The Political Activist we made a male called Henry.
Henry is a eco-friendly only child which meant he can be selfish and spoilt, he has a dog called Sandy, a golden retriever, for company. He had just come from a tough meeting arguing about cutting down a tree which is why he was dressed in a suit.

The storyline:
Beginning.
Shy girl takes pictures of woods wondering around in her own world unaware of her surroundings. A attractive masculine male appears in one of her photo's as a blur.

Middle.
In his own little bubble he is surprised by her presences which causes him to snap at her and starting an argument. He walks off, after a while he realises he made a mistake and returns to apologise.

Ending.
He apologises, she accepts, He asks if she wants to get coffee an out of her comfort zone she agrees. Walking into the unset, they realise the gave each other the wrong impression. They find they have at least one thing in common.....The woods.

|The theme. Don't judge a book by it's cover